new post @ 6:18 PM

It's back. She is back. I am surprised to see her back. Just a day before, I reassured myself that it is impossible between us and that she is not here in Singapore but was in somewhere else now. But as I stepped into church today, she was the first person I saw. Thought my eyes were fooling me, so I didn't accepted seeing her there only to assume she was someone else with similar features as her. But she appeared again to affirm and insure me she was back. My world went amiss and berserk. Will this be another beginning of hypnosis for me? This is horrid. I so badly wish I could see her again but when she is around, I feel so lost, lost for words, I am so awed to go up to her and say Hi. I will just go into hypnosis, like being re-united with your belongings but the truth is, it does not belong to you and you are not re-united. I will feel inferior and awful; I will have lost total confidence and control of myself. I will feel shy, inferior and negative which is unhealthy for my age. That is unfair. I should be out-going, confident and fluent. But it seems the opposite. I want to make my experience with her an euphoric one. Not to scare her. Lets just say I will do whatever I can. But oh well, heh, she is not as horrid as I describled. It's just me making a big thing all along. It's just me... Not her.

We are only humans and we know we are complex in our own ways. It�s just that we don't express ourselves sometimes. And we will feel unjustified.